We all die some day. That is the inescapable truth of life. It ends.
But even when that end comes, the world continues on spinning.
And long after we are all gone, the world will still be there, rolling on without us.
So does any it matter? Do any of us matter?
My answer is yes, but only right now, only until tomorrow. Beyond that? not any more. We are but fleeting memories riding on the winds of time.
My choice will matter today, and It'll matter tomorrow.
But I doubt that's what you're looking for here. Its probably for a why. Why would I do this.

The short answer is that I have no hope that the future has anything for me.

No matter how I look at it, it's bleak and empty. I get to pay bills and work. Explore a world already explored. Meet new people that will leave, and become attracted to new girls that will also use me and then throw me away. Games are little more than a passing distraction. And while most people agree that they would like to see my written work go to print in some form or another, I just don't see the point anymore.
I give up. I'm tired of hurting. I am tired of bringing people down, and tired of hurting them.
You can call all of this whatever you want. Excuses. A weakness. It'll be whatever you decide it is.

I did reach out for help though. I do want you to know that. I didn't just give up. I tried to work towards something better. And when that failed on me I tried to make something of myself. But It seems I was never good enough there either. And the more I tried reaching out the harder it became to try and try again.

I reached out for people that I cared about. Many more I didn't reach out to because... I don't know. I didn't want to hurt them any more. I was met mostly with "Just cheer up already." I wish it was that easy. Others simply ignored my reach, probably because they don't want to see it. Pretend it wont happen and it wont. I cannot fault anyone for that. And the one person that really tried to help, they did their best. They did. But the longer they tried the more they were hurt by me. And I couldn't bear to do that anymore.

I have found myself more alone than I ever wanted to be. But I don't blame anyone for it. Everyone has their own life to lead. Their own dreams to chase. I have only myself to blame for the situation I have found myself in.

Asking for forgiveness now is selfish. But that's all I've got left.
I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry I couldn't bear to try anymore.