Slipping into the night.

This is for you, because you have to know
This was never your fault. 

It was upon day unlike others
When I woke she was gone
When next I saw her vision
I was told I am no longer wanted
And as she stepped away so too did life
I just didn't know it yet
Time waits for no one
And so forth I took myself
I had lost the brilliance in my everyday
But there is still a tomorrow
And so I took what I had in today
And gambled it upon a tomorrow
I learned to fly upon the land
But none found me good enough to do so
I stood to try again
Reaching out into the dark
But there is nothing to grasp
I tried to love again
But only left hurt in my wake
I cannot stand anymore
I cannot see any light
All the hope I've got is for others
And I have no hope left for me
Please forgive me as I slip away into the night.

We all die some day. That is the inescapable truth of life. It ends.
But even when that end comes, the world continues on spinning.
And long after we are all gone, the world will still be there, rolling on without us.
So does any it matter? Do any of us matter?
My answer is yes, but only right now, only until tomorrow. Beyond that? not any more. We are but fleeting memories riding on the winds of time.
My choice will matter today, and It'll matter tomorrow.
But I doubt that's what you're looking for here. Its probably for a why. Why would I do this.

The short answer is that I have no hope that the future has anything for me.

No matter how I look at it, it's bleak and empty. I get to pay bills and work. Explore a world already explored. Meet new people that will leave, and become attracted to new girls that will also use me and then throw me away. Games are little more than a passing distraction. And while most people agree that they would like to see my written work go to print in some form or another, I just don't see the point anymore.
I give up. I'm tired of hurting. I am tired of bringing people down, and tired of hurting them.
You can call all of this whatever you want. Excuses. A weakness. It'll be whatever you decide it is.

I did reach out for help though. I do want you to know that. I didn't just give up. I tried to work towards something better. And when that failed on me I tried to make something of myself. But It seems I was never good enough there either. And the more I tried reaching out the harder it became to try and try again.

I reached out for people that I cared about. Many more I didn't reach out to because... I don't know. I didn't want to hurt them any more. I was met mostly with "Just cheer up already." I wish it was that easy. Others simply ignored my reach, probably because they don't want to see it. Pretend it wont happen and it wont. I cannot fault anyone for that. And the one person that really tried to help, they did their best. They did. But the longer they tried the more they were hurt by me. And I couldn't bear to do that anymore.

I have found myself more alone than I ever wanted to be. But I don't blame anyone for it. Everyone has their own life to lead. Their own dreams to chase. I have only myself to blame for the situation I have found myself in.

Asking for forgiveness now is selfish. But that's all I've got left.
I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry I couldn't bear to try anymore.

Waiting for the rain

I'm waiting for the rain,
Waiting on the thunder.

We laughed and cried,
Held each other close.

Never had I ever slept so well,
As when  I was with you.

But it wasn't going to last,
Here was not for you.

My arms were warm,
But it was my wallet you wanted.

I loved you with all my heart,
But that was never enough.

I'm  lost now,
And you are nowhere.

I'm waiting for the rain,
To hide the tears I wish to cry.

Waiting on the thunder,
So no one can hear me leave.

Endless Assault

Endless Assault


The concept is this,

   -Top down space shooter, using the wsad/mouse for movement and aim respectivly.

   -Pre-generated universe, Idealy suited in on the galaxy Start small and expand out as needed?
   Im thinking 30 maybe fourty star systems to start, SOL included.
Maps can always be expanded, though we would have to be mindful that there is infact only so much space we should allow.

   -Three teams,
    Teams
        Player
       
        Children of Terra       
            Round desings
            Missle Focus
            Sheild focus
           
        Pointy bastards       
            Triangular designs / wide
            Beam focus
            Speed focus
           
        Brickstar                
            Blocks! / Long
            Cannon focus
            Hull focus
       
        NPC
       
        Endless
            Lower teir - haphazard style
            Higher Teir - sleek and sexy
            Multi-target weapons
            Numbers over defensive focus
            Can change to lower teir ships as they are destroyed. They come apart so to speak.

    Player Ships
   
        Player ships have only general weight designations
        there are a lot of ways to specialize and grow designs to player taste
       
        Light     
            Two free hangar slots 
            Five max hangar slots
            Short respawn times
            Very low rebuild costs
            Cannot be docked with
            Can dock with anything
               
        Medium   
            One free hangar
            Three hangar slots max
            Medium respawn times times
            Can be docked with
            Two players max
       
        Heavies
            Two max Hangar slots
            Long respawn times
            Two dock slots
               
        Specialists
            Specialist crafts that have specific design purposes not matching their weight classifications
            Three max hangar slots
            Longest respawn times
            Usually, but not always, needs docked player to be effective


   - Three main systems to drop points into
    Offence
        Beams
            Range
            Drain
            Burn
        Cannons
            Range
            AR
            Peircing
        Missiles
            Range
            AR
            Lock speed/reticle
   
    Defence
        Sheilds    + max
            Regeneration
            projectile resist
            Cloaking
        Hull          +max
            Deflection
            Weight Reductions?
            Point defence
        Speed      +Accel
            Manouvering
            Disable Res
            Boost.
   
    Subsystems
        Molecular forge   -Storage capacity
            Processing speed
            Ammo construction efficiency
            Armor repair efficiency
           
        Generators        - Energy capacity
            Production efficiency
            Passive drain efficiency
            Cloak fields       
           
        Sensors           -Radarrange/veiw
            Cloak Detection
            Critchance/resist
            AI efficiency



Game engine                    Unity
Server softtware?              Still no idea yet.

Characername > Shipnames

Bring on the Sun

Bring on the Sun 
And let it shine on forever.

Bring on the sun
Let the light reclaim
And the world know warmth

This night has been long
It will be longer yet
But it will end

Desire has little sway here
Hopes and dreams
Both amount to nothing 

The night reigns on
Reaching out far and wide
Grasping at every edge

Lights burning away in the dark
Fading to the unyielding black
Lost before the morning rises

My fire is spent

Darkness rushes in

And the night is cold

I no longer have the strength 

No hope for a brighter tomorrow

This is where it ends

Let it be the start of something new
Give us a new dawn
Bring on the sun

One small step...

One small step... For man, One giant leap for mankind
We don't know for certain where we found our moon. But she is ours now.


She came to me silently
Unknown from the deepest dark

Fell upon my existance
And changed the world I am

And at the end of her rage
I have you to remember her

Stole the sky and made it yours
And now my sky is yours alone.

My dearest moon in the night
Gentle light riding the dark.

Yours is the strength that keeps me
Turnin round with a firm balance.

And my strength is within a storm
Just waiting for when you are lost.

But I know that I keep you here.
I am the chains that bind you

And now I cannot imagine myself without you
The stars are lost to me now.



BBC Earth : This is a lot more sciencey than my poem.

With every beggining

With every beginning. 
A story will begin to unfold.


The walls have stood for too long,
Ages have come and gone,
And time has left its mark.

The first cracks meant nothing,
Nor the second or third.
But the sum of all will.

Strength spent in ages past,
Comes to a silent end,
And then the wall falls.

No sooner than the first stone lands,
All what has been kept away is free,
And comes rushing in in waves.

The collected fears,
Long forgotten dreams,
Bittersweet pain.

All things come to an end.

Paint.

Paint.
A rainbow has all the colors you need.

Words are but paint
For the painter that cannot
Often inexplicably large in use
Ending simple in execution
Drawing what pigments could not
Pushing forward an idea without image
Creating a circle by using circles
And whereupon calling it art
To be heard and not seen
Lifted from pages to soar.
If not for the viewer
Tis only art for the smith
But for whom else should the words sing
So take hold of your brush
And paint.

Lost Vibrations

For Jessi,
But I still hope, sincerly so, that everything is working out for you.



Today I realized that I no longer know the sound of your voice.
                                           It hurts in a way painfully unsure.

I don't know if it's because
                                           I've lost the sounds.

Or if it is that if you wanted me to know it,
                                           You would have call on me.

I never wanted to let go of your love,
                                            I lost that long ago.

I thought I could at least keep you in memory,
                                            But it seems I am to loose that too.

And it hurts in ways,
                                            I simply cannot describe.

Lost hope

Every step taken is in the wrong direction.
Every accomplishment means nothing.
Every bite of every meal is tasteless.
And nothing can quench my thirst.

I can see no light at the end.
It's all just muddled in grey.
Lifeless landscape ahead.
And only ashes remain behind me.

I can't go back.
I know that.
what I want isn't there.
But I still want to.

Left holding tightly onto dreams.
Broken beyond repair.
Marching forward
Because it's all I can do.

Help me live again.

What kills me

Anything worth doing is never easy.

It is not the sound of your voice
Nor it is the lack of it
I know what I am without.

It isn't the sight of you with him
Or even that I do not see you
But I dream that I will.

It isn't the lack of warmth in my bed
Even if it was sometimes too much
I'm lucky if decent sleep finds me.

It isn't even the subtle smells left in your wake
Not even the rare unpleasant smells
I can only describe yours as comfortable.

But it is having to watch you walk away
And knowing you won't look back
That kills me.

Just breathe

Just breathe.
There's a better world
Just on the other side of today
Without this suffering
Where the skies reign forever blue
But without the first step
There will never be any end
I will do what must be done
This 

         is
             my
                   one

                           last

                               chance

                                             to

                                            breathe.

Sandcastles

We build great castles
To safegaurd our treasures 

Resolute guardians
To do what we cannot

Fires burn brightly against the night
Pushing back the deep dark

But change is unyielding
And cracks can only grow

Time keeps on slipping away
Taking strength with it 

Burdens will become too great
Foundations will crumble

And when the walls fall away
Our fears are laid bare

And with nothing left to hold them
Dreams fall away.

October thirty first

It was your birthday.

I did not forget
The memory stands with me
I watched as it came near
And as it was left behind.

I've said nothing
This is what was asked of me
Looking towards tomorrow
I don't know what is to follow.

There is no joy here
Only silence remains
But I do not regret
It simply is what it is.

I am not powerless to change
But this isn't mine
Not my place to change the world
This is yours alone.

About lost love

Where were you
When I needed you.

Where were you
When it was such a little thing.

Where were you
When it started to crumble.

Where were you
When it finaly fell to peices.

Where were you
When silence claimed it's throne.

Where are you now
That there's nothing left to save.

Without Fear

Without fear.
For Jessi, Just... come home before Seven Am.


I can let you go
Watch as you slip away
Feel as your presence fades

And I need not worry
Though I will anyway
Fears will root deep down

My thoughts will travel to you
Love and worry hand in hand
Wherever you may go

And whichever dreams may reach you
No matter what you keep of them
Fear will not be within

I can see it in your smile
That even without perfection
There is nothing to fear

Journey far my love
Just so you may come back to my arms
Because you will always be in my heart

Moving on

Moving on
It's easier for some.

I stand accused of waiting
Of trading tomorrow for yesterday
And quiet acceptance.

This is not false
But within the details
It has yet to claim any truth.

I will not sing of my journey
The story is mine to behold
And those whom I wish to share in it.

But I will not rush
It will be as I demand
Take shape as I desire.

I will admit to longing for her love
But she has faded into my past
And this is not the story of her.

Within the moment lost

 Withing the moment lost

Don't look away
See me as I am now
But don't ever look away

In that moment of hesitation
I will withdraw from this world
And cease to be

I have seen what I could
Listened to your stories
But it was not enough to know you

I am unknown to you
And I always will be
Because that's what you wanted

You can search if you like
But this world is yours
I will not be found

Here we have arrived
I am forgotten
You are alone

Lies

Some do not live shrouded in lies.

Lie to me
Show me untrue beauty
Whisper to me of too sweet secrets
Steal the grandeur of another
Claim false heritage
Dream of a majestic life
Wear this false pride
From atop this utopia
I can still see you
Still see through you
Impress me
Amaze me
Tell me again of your love for me
Lie to me.

without Regret

 without Regret
The one thing we never get enough of is what we never give enough of. Love.


With my eyes I have seen it.
My ears heard the sound
And with my hands I have touched it
But with my heart I felt it true.

I will journey the heavens
Climb any mountain
Swim across every ocean
And wander though every valley.

I will let nothing stop me
No distance is great enough
No barriers built tall enough
No amount of suffering will cage me.

Pain will only drive me forward
Warnings will go unheeded
And passion will be the wind upon my back
I will not yeild.

Barriers before me will be torn down
Challangers will be overcome
And obstacles will be thrown aside
Within my wake destruction will remain.

When the last champion has fallen
When the world is on it's knees
And has finaly surrendered you to me
When you are mine.

I will hold you tightly in my arms.
I will tell you of my love for you
I will give you the world
And then I will set you free.